Book Review : Happiness by Matthieu Ricard

I was expecting a lot more from this book for some reason. A guide to developing life's most important skill by a french cellular geneticist who became a Buddhist monk! What could possibly go wrong? Well reviewed I was expecting to be blown away. And I wasn't. Anyway here are the best bits:

Happiness can be a way of interpreting the world, since while it may be difficult to change the world, it is always possible to change the way we look at it.

Anyone who enjoys inner peace is no more broken by failure than he is inflated by success.

Our day-to-day experience tells us that things are 'good' and 'bad' (only thinking it makes it so). The 'I' that perceives them seems to us to be equally concrete and real. This error, which Buddhism calls ignorance, gives rise to powerful reflexes of attachment and aversion (both undesirable reflexes for one who wants inner peace) that generally lead to suffering.

Most people eventually decide that developing inner happiness is too hard and takes too long. They would rather have instant happiness (through Social Media, Drugs, Alcohol, Sex or Porn) even if it isn't real and even if it gets a little weaker every time they experience it.

What really makes me happy?

(1) Peaceful nature.

(2) Birds and butterflies.

(3) Beach trips and swimming.

(4) Cumming inside my woman.

(5) Financial freedom.

(6) Time with my nephew and niece.

(7) Reading with Sophie.

(8) Adventures with my woman.

(9) World Cup Football.

(10) Major Championship Golf.

NOT : Watching movies, playing on my phone or staring at stock charts.

In hoping that money will make us happier, we suffer when we lose it.

How do we go about making peace with our own emotions? First, we have to focus our mind on the raw power of inner suffering. Instead of avoiding it or burying it away in some dark corner of our mind, we should make it the object of our meditation, without ruminating over the events that caused the pain or reviewing every freeze-frame from the movie of our life.

Why is it unnecessary at this stage to dwell on the distant causes of our suffering?

The Buddha offered the following message. Will a man who has just been struck in the chest by an arrow ask himself, "What wood is the arrow made of? What kind of bird do the feathers come from? What craftsman made it? Was he a good man or a scoundrel?" He certainly won't! His first concern will be to tear the arrows from his chest.

If we resign ourselves to being the perpetual victims of our thoughts, we are like dogs who run after every stick thrown for them.

Systematically blaming others and holding them responsible for our suffering is the surest way to lead an unhappy life.

It is easier to work with the disturbing effects of a strong emotion when we are in the midst of experiencing it, rather than when it lies dormant in the shadow of our unconscious. At the price moment of the experience, we will have an invaluable opportunity to investigate the process of mental suffering.

We must not stifle our emotions. Preventing them from expressing themselves while leaving them intact, like a time bomb in a dark corner of the mind, is both a stopgap and an unhealthy solution. Psychologist state that suppressed emotion can cause serious mental and physical damage, and that we should at all costs avoid turning our emotions against ourselves. On the other hand, the unbridled and extreme expression of emotions can also give rise to grave psychological conditions. We can die of a stroke in a fit of rage or consume ourselves in obsessive desire. In all such cases, it is because we haven't been able to establish the right dialogue between our intelligence and our emotions.

Instead of counteracting a disturbing emotion with its opposite - anger with patience, for instance - we were simply to contemplate the nature of the emotion itself?

As long as one person's hatred generates another's, the cycle of resentment, reprisal, and suffering will never be broken. "If hatred responds to hatred, hatred will never end," taught the Buddha. Eliminating hatred from our mind stream is therefore a crucial step in our journey to happiness.

Forget about your ex-wife. Don't be the man who shudders at the thought of her 20 years after you split up. Don't give her that power over you. Just blow her a kiss!

The Dalai Lama has an answer :

"By giving in to anger, we are not necessarily harming our enemy, but we are definitely harming ourselves. We lose our sense of inner peace, we do everything wrong, we cannot sleep well, we put off our guests or our tasks or we cast furious glances at those who have the impudence of being in our way. If we have a pet, we forget to feed it. We make life impossible for those who live with us, and even our dearest friends are kept at a distance. Since there are fewer and fewer people who sympathize with us, we feel more and more lonely... To what end? Even if we allow our rage to go all the way, we will never eliminate all our enemies. Do you know of anyone who ever has? As long as we harbor that inner enemy of anger or hatred, however successful we are at destroying our outer enemies today, others will emerge tomorrow."

As Gandhi said, "If we practice an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, soon the whole world will be blind and toothless."

Envy and jealousy derive from the fundamental inability to rejoice in someone else's happiness or success.

Envy and jealousy are absurd for whoever feels them, since unless he resorts to violence, he is their only victim.

"What a relief it is for the burdened man who has long walked through the world of suffering to lay down his heavy and useless load." - LONGCHEN RABJAM

To be free is to be master of oneself. Inner freedom is a vast, clear, and serene space that dispels pain and nourishes peace. Being free means taking life into one's own hand, instead of abandoning it to tendencies created by habit or mental confusion. Don't drift through life.

The Paradox of Renunciation:

We are like weary marchers, carrying heavy bags filled with a combination of provisions and stones. Wouldn't the smart thing be to set our bag down for a moment to sort it out and lighten our load?

Renunciation is not about giving up all that is pleasant. It comes down to asking ourselves, with respect to certain aspects of our lives : "Is this going to make me happier?"

The renunciant will take time to look within herself and find that she does not need to cling to certain aspects of life.

Renunciation involves simplifying our acts, our speech, and our thoughts to rid ourselves of the superfluous and unnecessary.

Says one Tibetan sage : "It is easy for circumstances to hurt someone who is already fearful, but they have no power over someone who is stable and serene."

Sociology of Happiness:

We seem to have a genetic disposition to being happy or unhappy. 25%-45% of our potential to be happy is determined by our genes.

We can exert considerable influence on our experience of happiness and unhappiness through the way we live and think, how we perceive life's events, and how we react to them.

Happiness rises with social involvement and participation in volunteer organizations, the practice of sport or music, and membership in leisure clubs. It is closely tied to the maintenance and quality of private relationships.

CHILDREN OF SEPARATED OR DIVORCED PARENTS ARE TWICE AS LIKELY TO EXPERIENCE A VARIETY OF SOCIAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL OR ACADEMIC ISSUES.

Unfortunately we dedicate most of our time these days to external activities and goals, instead of learning to enjoy the present moment, the company of those we love, the peace of natural environments, and, above all, the flowering of inner peace that gives every second of life a new and different quality.

Bhutan is considered by some to be an undeveloped country, but underdeveloped from whose point of view? Sit on a hillside in Bhutan and you will hear the sounds of the valley. You will hear people singing as they sow seed, reap grain and walk down the roads.

There is no large and difficult task that can't be divided into little, easy tasks.

Each of can shift our moods in a more positive direction when asked to recall pleasant memories of events from their pasts, or when they watch amusing or heartwarming film clips.

The most altruistic members of a population are also those who enjoy the highest sense of satisfaction in live.

The intensity of the startle response is known to reflect the predominance of the negative emotions to which someone is subject - fear, anger, sadness, and disgust. The stronger a person's flinch, the more he is inclined to experience negative emotions.

There is an assertion by those who have suffered depression that giving love to others and receiving it is an important aspect of healing. This affirmation agrees with the Buddhist perspective, which holds selfishness to be the main cause of suffering and altruistic love to be the essential ingredient of true happiness.

There are, however, 'false altruists' who help others because they can't bear their own distress in the face of other people's suffering and are eager to defuse their own emotional tension.

"Few people are wise enough to prefer useful criticism to treacherous praise."

Optimism and Pessimism:

When difficulties seem insurmountable, optimists react in a more constructive and creative way and come up with alternative solutions. Pessimists would rather turn away from the problem or adopt escapist strategies - sleep, isolation, drug or alcohol abuse - that diminish their focus on the problem. Instead of confronting problems with resolve, they prefer to brood, nurture illusions, dreaming up 'magic' solutions, and accuse the whole world of being against them.

The ultimate pessimism is in thinking that life in general is not worth living. The ultimate optimism lies in understanding that every passing moment is a treasure, in joy as in adversity.

TIME:

The years or hours remaining to us are like a precious substance that crumbles easily and can be frittered away without noticing. Life slips away from us day by day, and if we have not learned to find meaning in its every passing moment, all it has meant to us is wasted time.

FLOW : One can experience flow when undertaking the most mundane tasks such as ironing or doing the dishes. It depends on your attitude. Without 'flow', virtually any activity will be tedious, if not downright unbearable!

The Wise Man's Death:

The wise man enjoys a very special kind of freedom. Prepared for death, he appreciates every moment of life's bounty. He lives each day as if it were his only one. That day naturally becomes the most precious of his existence. When he looks at the sunset, he wonders :"Will I see the sun rise again tomorrow morning?" He knows that he has no time to lose, that time is precious, and that it is foolish to waste it in idleness. When death finally comes for him, he dies tranquilly, without sadness or regret, without attachment to what he is leaving behind. He leaves this life as the eagle soars into the blue sky above.