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This is one of the best books for men out there and these notes should be read on a regular basis. Some of it is complete feminist nonsense though. 4/5.
Today, sensitive and affectionate men are complaining that many of today's women have become 'ballbusters,' too hardened and emotionally guarded to fully embrace.
It is up to you : You can have a relationship between two passive personalities, but ideally you need a more masculine partner and a more feminine partner to come together for strong sexual polarity and attraction.
The feminine wants to be filled with love, and if the bliss of real love is not forthcoming, chocolate and ice cream - or a good romantic drama - will do. The masculine wants to feel the bliss of life lived at the edge and if he doesn't have the balls to do it himself, he'll watch it on TV, in sporting events and gangster movies.
If you are, for instance, a heterosexual man with a true masculine sexual essence, then you will be more or less constantly sexually attracted to feminine women you see all day, at the workplace and on the street. To married women and teenage girls. The lot. What can you do about this sexual problem?
Most men make the error of thinking that one day their work will be done. It's never going to be over, so stop waiting for the good stuff. As of now, spend a minimum of one hour a day doing whatever you have been waiting to do until your finances are more secure, or until the children have grown and left home, or until you have finished your obligations and you feel free to do what you really want to do. Don't wait any longer. Don't believe in the myth of 'one day when everything will be different.' Do what you love to do, what you are waiting to do, what you've been born to do, now.
If your woman's behaviour or mood is TRULY INTOLERABLE to you, you should leave her, and don't look back (since you cannot change her). However, if you find that her behaviour or mood is merely distasteful or a hassle, realize that she will always, as a feminine, be that way (so don't leave her).
The next time you notice yourself trying to fix your woman so that she will no longer be cruel, have mood swings, give you the silent treatment, boss you around, bully you, ignore you, control you , RELAX and give her love by touching her and telling her that you love her when she is this way ! LOL!!! Learn to find humour in the unending emotional drama the feminine seems to enjoy so much.
Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited : not for money, security, ease, or women. Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose.
Notice times when your chest and solar plexus become tense and contracted. These are signs of an unskillful reaction to hurt. You are unable to act. Trapped in your own self-protective tension, you are no longer a free man.
The superior man practices opening during these times of automatic closure:
Open the front of your body so your chest and solar plexus are not tense. Sit or stand up straight and full, opening the front of your body, softening your chest and belly, wide and free. Breathe down through your chest and solar plexus, deep into your belly. Look directly into the eyes of whomever you are with, feeling your own pain as well as feeling the other person. You must feel the entire situation with your whole body.
Days and nights fly by for years, and life slips through your fingers, your attention absorbed in the seeming world of necessary responsibilities.
NEVER CHANGE YOUR MIND JUST TO PLEASE A WOMAN. Don't betray your own deep knowledge and intuition. You should always listen to your woman, and then make your own decision. If you choose to go with your woman's suggestion even when deep in your heart you feel that another decision is more wise, you are in effect saying "I don't trust my own wisdom." You are weakening yourself by telling yourself this. You are weakening your woman's trust in you : why should she trust your wisdom if you don't?
If you give up your real decision to follow your woman's then you will blame her for being wrong if she is wrong, and you will feel disempowered if she is right, having denied yourself the opportunity to act from your core and grow from your mistakes. Be open to changing your feelings based on whatever your woman might reveal to you - through her words or her body language - and then make your own decision, based on your deepest intuitive wisdom and knowledge. You may make the right decision or the wrong one, but whatever happens, it is your best shot, and you will strengthen your capacity for future action.
Your Purpose Must Come Before Your Relationship:
Your mission is your priority. If you know your purpose, your deepest desire, then the secret of success is to discipline your life so that you support your deepest purpose and minimize distractions and detours.
The next time you find yourself 'giving in' to your woman, postponing your mission and denying your true purpose in order to spend time with her, stop. Tell your woman that you love her, but you cannot deny your heart's purpose. Tell her that you will spend 20 minutes with her in absolute attention and total presence, but then you must return to carry on your mission.
Your woman will be more fulfilled with 20 minutes (twice a day) of undivided attention and ravishing love than she will with a few hours of your weak and divided presence when your heart really isn't into it. Time you spend with your woman should be time you really want to be with her more than anything else.
About once a week, you should sit down with your closest men friends and discuss what you are doing in your life and what you are afraid of doing. Your close men friends should be willing to challenge your mediocrity by suggesting a concrete action you can perform that will pop you out of your rut, one way or another. And you must be willing to offer them brutal honesty, in the same way, if you are all to grow. Good friends should not tolerate mediocrity in one another.
If you merely want support from your men friends without challenge, it indicates an unresolved issue you may have with your father, whether he is alive or dead.
Choose men friends who themselves are living at their edge, facing their fears and living just beyond them. Live in the freedom just beyond your edge, which is not always, or even usually comfortable.
If your deepest purpose is to meditate and explore your spirituality, you might find that before you can totally dedicate yourself to this practice you must work you way through the concentric circles of playing with sexual partners, getting married, raising children, developing a career, and finally, having dissolved your fascination and need to do all of that, getting down to the business of full-time meditation.
IMPORTANT : If you are not sure what your purpose is, you must wait for a vision. You stay open to a vision of your deeper purpose by not filling your time with distractions. Don't watch TV or play video games. Don't go out drinking beer with your friends every night or start dating a bunch of women. Simply wait. You may wish to go on a retreat area and be by yourself. Whatever it is you decide to do, consciously keep yourself open and available to receiving a vision of what is next. IT WILL COME.
At home : Any weakness in you and lack of purpose will communicate itself to your woman and your children. Try as you might, once you have negated your own deep purpose, your household will become a place where everybody tests your capacity to stand your ground, and you will lose!
STOP HOPING FOR YOUR WOMAN TO GET EASIER:
A man should never think his woman's testing is going to end and his life will get easier. Rather, he should appreciate that she does these things to feel his strength, integrity and openness. Her desire is for his deepest truth and love. As he grows, so will her testing.
If you are a man who is living his fullest, willing to play his edge and grow through difficulties, then you will want her to test you. You may not like it. But you don't want her to settle for a weak man who depends on his woman's response to be happy. If you are aligned with your mission, you are essentially happy, even though times cycle between difficult and easy. You don't need your woman's strokes to fulfill your mission. It still feels good when she strokes you, but you don't need mommy anymore, telling you what a good boy you are. And your woman doesn't want you to need mommy. In fact, it sickens her.
If she is a good woman, a strong woman, she won't tolerate your childish needs for a pat on the head. She will test you. She might not even know that she is testing you or why she is testing you, but she will poke your weak spots (anxiety), especially in moments of your superficial success, in order to feel your strength. If you collapse, you've flunked the test.
Women love to complain. Her complaint is the beginning of her pleasure. It is not true criticism but a test. The criticism is dissolved when she feels your humor and happiness. So just laugh it off really.
FINDING A DIFFERENT WOMAN WON'T GET YOU OUT OF IT.
The most loving women are the women who will test you the most.
Praise Her:
Tell her "I love the shape of your body," "You are so beautiful when you smile, "
Praise specific things you love about your woman 5 to 10 times a day. See what happens!
Tolerating Her Leads to Resenting Her:
When a man resigns, and simply tolerates his woman's self-destructive moods, it is a sign of his weakness. A man shouldn't tolerate bitchy complaining moodiness in his woman, but he should serve her and love her with every ounce of his skill and perseverance. Then, if she cannot or will not open in love, he might decide to end his relationship with her, harboring no anger or resentment, because he knows he has done everything he could.
If you are like most men, you probably find yourself feeling burdened by your woman's mood. You feel your woman is a pain in the ass! You wish your woman would leave you alone and take care of herself. Eventually you feel worn down, or frustrated. You end up simply tolerating your woman's moods, while resentment builds inside of you. You wonder, what's her problem? Why can't she just be happy?
THIS FEMININE CYCLE NEVER ENDS.
A superior man sees his woman's moods not as a curse, but as a challenge and an amusement. There are many ways to creatively deal with her moods and help her open. Tickle her. Take off your clothes and do a silly dance. Sing opera for her. Make animal sounds. Shout at her louder than you ever have and then kiss her passionately. Press your belly into her until she melts. Lift her off the ground and spin her around.
OCCASIONALLY, TALKING WITH HER HELPS, BUT NOT AS OFTEN AS HUMOUR AND PHYSICALLY EXPRESSED LOVE.
If you try all these things and she refuses to open up then simply relax. You have done everything you can. Perhaps you are with the wrong woman.
But remember this feminine cycle of moods. YOU CANNOT AVOID THIS BY CHANGING WOMEN.
Don't tolerate her bad mood. Don't bother to talk about it with her. She won't listen to that. Participate in her mood, bloom her into fullness. Move her body with your body. Open her heart with your humour.
Don't Analyze Your Woman:
Your questioning will make her mood worse. True that!
The amazing thing is this : 90% of a woman's emotional problems stem from feeling unloved. So don't analyze her. Give her your love - the same love that is motivating your questioning - immediately and unmistakably. Walk over to her, look deeply into her eyes, hold her and stroke her, tell her how much you love her, smile, hum her favourite song, dance with her, and chances are her emotional problem will evaporate. I DON'T BELIEVE THIS WORKS WITH JENNY AT ALL. I HAVE TRIED THIS. IT'S BULLSHIT. IT'S JUST STROKING HER EGO AND GIVING HER PERMISSION TO CONTROL YOU AGAIN.
Anyway, the next time your woman is in a bad mood, try this : Assume she is not feeling loved for some reason.
Look into her eyes with love, touch her how she likes to be touched with love, and speak or sing to her with love. NO, THIS IS SO WEAK!!! Discover what happens to her mood. Then, after her mood has been dissolved by your loving and she is happy and relaxed, you can talk about anything that still needs to be talked about.
IF THIS IS REALLY TRUE, THEN I WILL NEVER MARRY EVER AGAIN!!!
Don't Suggest That a Woman Fix Her Own Emotional Problem:
She wants a man who loves her, and escorts her with his loving, without having to ask her what she wants all the time.
Suppose it's your woman's birthday. If it were your birthday, you'd love it if your woman would do anything you wanted. So you think she'd like that too. Wrong! Suppose you say to her ,"Happy Birthday! For your birthday, we can do anything you want. We can go anywhere and do anything. And I'll do anything for you. What do you want to do?"
Unfortunately, this is exactly the opposite of most women's idea of an ideal birthday present. Most women would get far more excited if you were to say "You've got 30 minutes to pack your bags. Don't ask me where we're going, but we'll be gone for the weekend. Everything is taken care of. Just pack your bags, and leave the rest to me. I'm going to give you the best birthday you've ever had."
I have tried this, but she says "I need more time to pack" and "I need to know what to pack."
One of the deepest feminine desires in intimacy is to be able to relax and surrender, knowing that her man is taking care of everything. Then, she can simply enjoy without having to plan it all herself and tell her man what to do.
Soap operas, romance novels, and love stories touch many women deeply because the feminines priority is the flow of love in relationship.
The best way you can serve your woman is by helping her to surrender, to trust the force of love, so that she can open her heart, be the love that she is, and give this love which naturally overflows from her happiness.
THIS DOES NOT INVOLVE ANALYZING THE BLOCKS TO HER LOVING.
Analyzing blocks is a man's way. It is important, as a man, you don't project your way of doing things onto your woman.
Love your woman with your whole body, perhaps pressing her against the wall with your belly and chest, pressing your love into her, breathing with her so that she relaxes her tension and surrenders to the love in her heart, and let her relaxation and surrender liberate the wisdom inherent in her loving. You have much to gain from the depth of her feminine gifts.
Stay With Her Intensity - To a Point:
When a woman gets emotionally intense, a mediocre man wants to calm her down and discuss it, or leave and come back later when she is 'sane.' A superior man penetrates her mood with imperturbable love and unwavering consciousness. I DID THAT! If she still refuses to love more fully in love, after a time, he lets her go.
If you are like most men, you probably aren't too fond of feminine bad moods and hysterical emotions. Most men are afraid of, or disgusted by, feminine emotions. That's why you try to fix them or escape from them. "I'll come back later when you can act like a reasonable human being," you might say.
One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. REALLY?
Face it. You are going to get hurt by your woman. (EVERY OTHER DAY?). This is how you learn. You get up, dust yourself off, swim to shore, and turn and face her again.
Keep your breath full. Keep your body strong. Keep your attention present. No matter what your woman says or does, give her love. (REALLY? It's just inviting her to behave like that whenever she wants!). Press your belly into her. Smile. Scream and then lick her face. Do whatever it takes to crack the shell of her closure, get your love inside that crack, and touch her heart. Learn to enjoy her anger, her tears, her silent hardness. (FUCKING MAD- HOW CAN YOU ENJOY SILENT HARDNESS) The world will give you the same at times.
Don't Force the Feminine to Make Decisions:
Your woman asks you for input, and you say, "Whatever you want to do is fine with me." This is a statement of a simple friend, not a lover.
Wouldn't you like to treat your woman like a goddess and have her offer you her feminine gifts? To evoke them, you must offer her your masculine gifts.
You need to play the masculine pole if you want her to play the feminine.
NEVER SAY "Do whatever you want." if she asks you which shoes you think look better on her, make a decision and tell her. Don't just say "They're both nice." Say something like "I'd like the red shoes, but what's the most important to me is that you're happy."
Always help your woman take decisions by giving her your perspective and telling her your choices, while letting her know that you love her regardless of the decision she makes. Often her feminine feelings will be a much better basis for a decision than your masculine analysis. So, encourage her to feel into the situation and trust her feelings. But, for the sake of polarity and happiness in intimacy, always tell her what you would do and why, even if you think she should make her own decision.
Your Attraction to the Feminine is Inevitable:
You will always see women that turn you on. There are two ways to deal with your daily "ahhh" of attraction to the feminine : wisely and foolishly. To respond wisely you must understand why you are attracted to whom. Your sexual essence is always attracted to its energetic reciprocal. Masculine men are attracted to feminine women. Feminine men are attracted to masculine women. Balanced men are attracted to balanced women.
Music, beer, nature, women, they are all forms of FEMININE energy.
The attraction to other women that you have is not only natural but healthy. It is nothing to be ashamed of.
If you are a man with a masculine sexual essence, you will always feel sexual polarity with anyone who animates feminine energy. You may feel this attraction many times a day, with many women. Enjoy it! Women are a blessing! The feminine, even in the non-human forms of a lush tropical island, a cold beer, or your favourite tune, could make the difference between dreariness and ahhh-ing in ecstasy. Our acceptance of sexual attraction, even with music and places, is at the root of our capacity to experience bodily pleasure.
Sexual attraction, however, is very different from having sex. Intimacy is a choice. Attraction is not. The desire that a woman arouses in you is a blessing. Acting on that desire and pursuing her is another matter entirely.
The next time you come upon a woman who sends a thrill through your body, relax into the thrill. Let her waves of feminine energy move through your body like a deep massage. Breathe fully, without resisting the joy her sighting affords you. Breathe the joy through your body, down to your toes. Don't stare at her, don't interact with her.
Choose a Woman Who is Your Complementary Opposite:
The false neutralization, or depolarization of relationships is one of the main reasons that couples break up. The rejuvenative charge of sexual loving becomes weak, while all the things that irritate you and your partner remain just as strong as ever. The secret is not to try and change your woman's crazy ways, but to help cultivate the depth and rejuvenative power of her feminine blessings.
To behold a woman free in her expression of bodily ecstasy is one of the most awesome visions most men have had. Most men will pay to watch it, in a porn movie.
This is what you get in a woman with a feminine sexual essence : A woman who is all over the place emotionally. A woman whom you can depend on to change her mind and ruin your plans. A woman who is much more sensitive than you are to the flow of subtle energies in your relationship. A woman who brings you delight and awe in the ecstasy, both sexual and spiritual, that her body expresses so freely and beautifully.
Along with these gifts, however, come the relative chaos and emotional weather storms that most men dread. Realise that these are aspects of the SAME energy that turns you on. In fact, you can learn to be turned on by her dance of anger as much as by her slinky purr.
Know What is Important in Your Woman:
Over time, sexual polarity and attraction will diminish. You will begin eyeing other women as sources of rejuvenative feminine delight, the same delight you have smeared out in your intimacy by obliging your woman to be everything for you all blurred together : your business partner one moment, your friend another moment, a mother this moment, and you lover the next. Eventually, the deep gifts that brought you together to begin with become lost in the ambiguity of your relationship.
By constantly talking about finances, work, household and children, you turn your woman into a neutral companion. You become so familiar with each other that the mystery of sexual enchantment becomes standardized into the ritual mechanics of kiss, stroke, lick, pump, spurt, and snore.
Then, if you have a strong masculine sexual essence, you will need frequent refreshment by the power of strong feminine energy or else you will begin to feel weary and burdened by life. You may seek this rejuvenative feminine energy in a few beers, a few rounds of golf, or porn. Or perhaps you favor long massages and walks along the beach. Although these and many other other means can temporarily relax you and put a smile on your face, few of them can arouse you as deeply in heart and body as the uncompromised force of feminine energy offered by your radiant woman.
If you want your woman to be your spiritual and sexual consort, not just your housemate, you must skilfully maintain your household and livelihoods so that the potency of your union is not diminished. She can be the mother of your children as well as your business partner, as long as these functions do not cut into the primacy of your purpose : love, commitment and bodily love.
When the two aspects of your loving - spiritual awakening and sexual transmission - become diminished by your daily duties, you will both begin to seek elsewhere for daily refreshment and fulfillment.
Each Woman Has a 'Temperature' That Can Heal or Irritate You:
Most men have a good intuitive sense of the difference between a woman who is cool and soothing (Russians) and a woman who is hot and exciting (Latinas), regardless of how they describe it.
IF YOU ARE A PARTICULARLY EASYGOING MAN, PERHAPS A MAN WHO HAS DIFFICULTY GETTING MOTIVATED, THEN A HOT WOMAN IS PROBABLY BETTER FOR YOU. HER FIERY NATURE CAN HEAT UP YOUR SYSTEM AND GET YOU MOVING. ARE YOU REALLY EASYGOING THOUGH? THAT IS THE QUESTION.
Don't be with a woman who doesn't want you. Don't chase that hard for a woman.
Some woman who would be suitable though might play hard to get. Tricky huh?
What She Wants is Not What She Says:
Sometimes a woman will make a request of her man in plain English, not to get him to do something, but to see if he is so weak that he will do it!
Know that your woman is always pleased most by your strength in love, freedom and consciousness. If her requests and desires can sway you from what she knows is your highest goal, she will be angry and disappointed in you, even though she asked for it. Always act to maintain your fullest consciousness. Always apply your sword of discrimination to your woman's requests, never taking them at face value, but always checking with your deepest wisdom and following the road of your highest truth, even if it seems to mean disappointing your woman. She won't be disappointed if she feels you are strong and clear in the true direction of your heart.
And if she IS disappointed by your deepest truth, you shouldn't be with her.
Exactly, when a woman gives you advice and you do not take it (and you are wrong), it does not mean you made a mistake if you acted with your deepest wisdom. If she is disappointed in you that you didn't take her advice, you are with the wrong woman!
Her Complaint is Content-Free:
A man should hear his woman's complaints like warning bells, and then do his best to align his life with his truth and purpose. However, if he believes in the literal content of her complaint, he will immediately go off course, for the content reflects her present mood more than a careful observation of his tendencies over time.
Do not give a woman your word and then not follow through. She will lose trust in you and this will hurt her deeply. Additionally, she will feel your masculine core is weak.
When she complains about you being on your phone, it is usually more a complaint about your whole life, your lack of persistence and clarity of purpose.
Although your woman seems to want to be the most important and immediate thing in your life, she actually can trust and love you more if she is not.
A man's highest purpose is his priority, not his intimacy. Your woman knows this. Deep inside, she really wants it this way.
If you suddenly said to her "You are the most important thing for me. I don't care if my service to humanity is needed elsewhere, so I'm staying here with you" she would feel very strange. Part of her might be glad, but the deepest part of her would not be.
IF A WOMAN HAS BECOME THE WHOLE POINT OF YOUR LIFE, YOU ARE LOST.
If you aren't living from your core, giving your fullest gifts, everyone will feel your lack of true purpose. Your kids will challenge your authority. Your colleagues will take advantage of you. Your friends won't expect much of you. And your wife won't trust you.
A MAN COULD BE PERFECT FOR TEN YEARS, BUT IF HE'S AN ASSHOLE FOR 30 SECONDS HIS WOMAN ACTS LIKE HE'S ALWAYS BEEN ONE.
History is irrelevant to the feminine, so your mistake will be as easily forgotten as your successes don't worry. As soon as you see she's upset, immediately assume happiness. Shock her with your love. Make her smile and laugh with your humour. Lick her neck, or lift her off the ground and pretend you're King Kong. Surprise her in some loving way, and the emotional slate will be wiped clean. Your momentary failure will be effectively vanished, as irrelevant as the long line of your successes!
She Wants to Relax in the Demonstration of Your Direction:
If you are not able to take charge, if you don't know the direction you want to go, your woman will feel you floundering. She will have to take charge again, since you are unable. She won't be able to relax.
If you have the slightest uncertainty or ambiguity about your financial future, your woman will feel it. You don't have to say anything about it. She'll feel your doubt and ambiguity in your body, eyes and the tone of your voice. It's not that you have to make a lot of money; you just have to be responsible for your finances and take your future into account. THIS IS WHAT EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO FEEL SECURE.
There is also your spiritual direction. Where is your relationship going? What are your lives about? What does it all add up to? How will the two of you continue to grow without getting stuck in the ruts of mediocrity?
If your woman feels that you have lost your spiritual direction, she will seek direction herself and attempt to impose it on you, since you don't seem to have any yourself.
A woman wants you to be responsible. How can you be more responsible? Not necessarily by doing more work. You become more responsible by knowing your deepest purpose, and then arranging your finances and spiritual life from that knowingness.
You Are Always Searching For Freedom:
The feminine doesn't often understand the masculine ways and needs. The masculine is always seeking release from constraint into freedom (like when you ejaculate, achieve a financial windfall or win a war or a football match).
War, which is motivated by the desire for freedom, is a quintessential masculine pursuit. Most sports are ritualized war.
When a woman does not feel full of love, she seeks to fill herself with ice cream, chocolate, or conversation, rather than empty her stress through porn, drinking or gambling as men often do.
IMPORTANT : OWN YOUR DARKEST DESIRES:
When was the last time you really ravished your woman? That is, when was the last time you really 'took' her, savagely, lovingly, with no inhibition whatsoever? Or, has it been so long that you are fascinated and turned on by torture porn?
When you are unable to express your dark passions with love, then they go underground in your psyche. Your dark desires become disconnected from the heart. Instead of being moved to embrace your woman with masculine force and aggressive passion - throwing her down on the bed, ripping off her clothes, and pinning her down beneath your body as you both yield yourselves in ecstatic loving - you begin to fantasize about controlling and dominating woman in unloving ways.
Although few men will readily admit it, most men have entertained fantasies about forcing a woman to have sex against her will. In fact, most women have entertained fantasies of being forced to have sex against their will. The difference between rape and ravishment is love.
Your woman surrendering to receive your strong love, or you lovingly 'forcing' your woman to surrender into greater ecstasy, is the basis of ravishment.
When you are unwilling to play these dark masculine and feminine poles in love and humour, then they will appear in loveless ways, such as rape fantasies, obsessions with soap operas, tragic stories of loss and brutality, and violent porn.
If you are afraid to yield yourself completely in the ecstasy of physical love with your woman - going beyond all sense of control and separate self so your heart and her heart are one in the midst of absolutely abandoned passion - then you will also be afraid to yield yourself completely in divine freedom. You will feel full of your own tension, and so attempt to empty yourself in the conventional masculine habits of TV, ejaculation, beer and work.
You must be as fearless with your sexual desire as you are with your spiritual desire.
As an experiment, the next time you make love with your woman, feel through your own physical and emotional boundaries into her. Feel yourself move into her, your boundaries dissolving so that you become her, utterly aware of her breath, her movements, her emotions. Love her with more abandon than you've ever allowed yourself before.
Allow this love to ravish your woman to bursting, filling her heart and body beyond capacity, so she has no choice but to surrender to the depth and force of your loving. With a relaxed and spontaneous body, allow your love to penetrate her so deeply that she is overwhelmed, to the point of tears, as you yield yourself, letting go of all fear, only giving love.
She Needs Your Consciousness to Match Her Energy:
If you are particularly turned off by her anger, she will seem to return, again and again, to the energy of anger. If you are unable to embrace her anger in the ferocity of your loving, transforming her anger into passion, she will continue to test your capacity to do so.
If she is screaming and breaking dishes (is this common?), your body must meet her energy. Just walk up to her, hold her in your arms, and laugh affectionately in the humor of the moment, and she will feel your freedom.
Your body, tone of voice, and the look in your eyes mean a lot more to her than anything you could say. Don't tell her what to do, but do it with her, with your body. If she is tense and closed down, lifer her arms up above her head and kiss her heart. Don't just tell her to open up. Actually open her up, physically, with the openness of your body.
If your surrender into communion is not as strong as hers, she will return to the place of your limiting fear, your weak link, and test you there. If you collapse or react with unlove when she questions your financial ability, she will continue to do so. If you feel weakened when she questions your sexual ability, she will continue to do so, implicitly or explicitly.
The Feminine is Abundant:
There are women all around you who, with the proper initiation into mutually surrendered loving (how to do this?), would feed every cell of your body with juicy, enlivening, rejuvenative feminine energy.
Whenever you are feeling isolated and weary, feel the present moment as if it were a woman. Feel the front of your body as if it were pressed against the front of a woman's naked body, being filled with the delight of her feminine softness and liveliness. Feel her breasts and belly against you. Breathe her fragrance deeply.
Do the same in the company of human women. Feel them not merely as friends, coworkers, or sisters, but as walking blessings of energy. Receive their anger as a jolt of awakening energy. Receive their sexiness as a blessing of enlivenment. Receive their happiness, even when you are depressed, as a light shower of refreshment. Open your breath and body and fully receive each woman's unique flavour of feminine energy, so your day becomes a feast of plenty.
Relax and enjoy the bountifulness of feminine energy that surrounds you, both in the form of human women and in the form of the moment together.
Allow Older Women Their Magic:
For many reasons, from biological to yogic, you are probably more attracted to young women than older ones. Walking down the beach or street, your head is more likely to turn for a twenty year old woman than a sixty year old. This is quite natural.
The natural sexiness of a young woman will always give you energy. You never need to deny this. But the awesome beauty and radiant ease of a deep woman can stop your mind, widen your heart, and suspend your body in the mystery of feminine grace, all in an instant, with a single gaze or touch, regardless of her body's age.
An older woman will tolerate less of your bullshit (scary!) than a younger woman. Although this might be one of your reasons for preferring a younger woman, you must choose your priority. If you find yourself attracted to younger women, be careful that you aren't trying to find an easy relationship with a woman who will let you slide. If your purpose is to become every more free of your self-burdens and give your true gift to the world, then a spiritually mature woman - who won't let you slather in your comfy habits of security and distraction - may be an excellent ally for your journey. This last sentence is the key. SPIRTUALLY MATURE - AWARE - CONSCIOUS. AGE DOESN'T MATTER.
Turn Your Lust Into Gifts:
When a man sees a beautiful woman it is natural for him to feel energy in his body. He should breathe fully throughout his body.
As a man, you have probably found yourself inspired at some time or another by a woman (AOC?). Such inspiration is usually temporary, because most men don't know how to cultivate their relationship to the feminine. They tend to be inspired, and then spurt it out, through spasms of thought and ejaculation. Then they seek inspiration again elsewhere, through other women, or through other feminine sources, such as beer or porn.
But if you learn to discipline your habits of building up and releasing mental and sexual tension, you can cultivate and magnify your inspiration.
When you feel sexual lust for any woman, breathe deeply and allow the feeling of desire to magnify. And allow it to magnify more. Don't let the energy become lodged in your head or genitals, but circulate it throughout your body. Receive, enjoy the gift.
Never Allow Your Desire to Become Suppressed or Depolarized:
You've probably seen the face of your woman when you've gotten to the point of 'putting up' with her, rather than permeating her.
When things get really bad, she seems so ugly and dark that you are repulsed, and your complete withdrawal leaves her barren at her core.
When she is like this, you can choose to invade her heart and body with love. Her mood can become your challenge. Can you give her enough love and humour so that she laughs, relaxes, and brightens, in spite of herself? Can you bring out the consort in her by treating her with the same teasing and sexually pregnant touch and gaze as you would your mistress?
It only takes a moment of praise and deep appreciation to re-evoke a woman's radiance. It can happen to your woman at the grocery store when another man signals his appreciation. Of it can happen at the kitchen table with you. Your choice.
Consider this : Rather than deciding to move on because you are too weak to overcome your own neutralized lack of desire, try to take on the challenge of manifesting love in the dreary world and in your dreary woman. I'VE TRIED A LOT.
Use Her Attractiveness as a Slingshot Through Appearance:
If you have ever gotten the woman you've wanted, you know that it's never as good as you hoped for, at least not for very long. True Dat! And yet you continue to be attracted to the same kind of woman over and over again. You are deceived by the mirage of your own desire. You are deluded by your own excitement. Women are not to blame. They are to be cherished.
You can use your desire instead as a doorway to spiritual oneness. Magnify your desiring to the brink of madness. Sustain it with full breath, relaxed body, and open heart. Embrace your woman, if you have one, and give her what you want from her. Give it all to her. Give it away to her. Give her so much of what you want from her that you can't tell who is who, the chaser has become the tail, and all motion stops in the intensity of self-release. There is only One. She is the goddess, ready to fuck you, murder you and enlighten you.
In a moment of attraction, let your desire feel to her, but don't stop there. Feel through her. Do this constantly. Feel through her body when you are having sex with her. Feel through her anger when she is raging at you. Feel through her darkness when she seems ugly. Feel through her beauty when she most attracts you. By feeling through all of her forms, the superior man is not distracted or obsessed.
Ejaculation Should be Converted or Consciously Chosen:
Ejaculation for the most part actually depletes and weakens you.
In a subtle way, excess ejaculation will diminish your courage to take risks, professionally and spiritually.
When you have sex and you ejaculate, one part of your woman is very happy she made you come. She is happy you are relaxed and enjoying yourself. Another part of her is disappointed that you've allowed yourself to choose a temporary and pleasurable spasm over the endless ravishment of her and the world.
A superior man carefully chooses when he will ejaculate.
However, even when you are trying not to ejacualte, she may energetically begin to 'pull' the ejaculation from you. When you don't ejaculate, but demonstrate that the fullness of loving is more important to you than the quick thrill of genital release, then she can only trust you. This could be useful to me in my old age as an explanation!
If you cannot control when you ejaculate, your woman now controls you sexually. She will become sexually unfulfilled.
Right now, notice your breath. Are you inhaling so deeply you feel your genitals bulging slightly? Is your belly rising and falling with your inhale and exhale, like a mighty bellows? Your belly and lower abdomen are special places of power. If your breath does not reach these areas, you can't recharge your batteries. You will feel weak and unsure of yourself. Your effect in the world will be minimal, less than your full potential.
Ejaculate up the Spine:
To realize the full potential of sex, you must learn how to recondition your body and nervous system. You must learn how to unhabitualize the mechanics of your ejaculation, and convert your orgasm into a massive profusion of energy which deepens, not ends, the lovemaking session.
The first step is undoing the habits you learned while masturbating as a teenager. Instead of tensing your muscles as you become sexually stimulated, learn to relax them. When you notice your face squinching up, relax it. When you notice your breath getting fast and shallow, slow it down and deepen it. When you notice your belly tight and your chest hard, open your belly and soften the area around your heart.
The next step is to redirect your attention. Learn to feel your partner more than your own sensations during sex. Rather than curling attention into yourself and feeling the pleasures moving in your own body, feel outward, into, and through your partner. Feel your partner more than you feel yourself. Feel her movement, her moans, and her internal energy.
There is a specific exercise you can perform throughout sex and also during the approach to orgasm. By doing this exercise you will convert the direction of the orgasm, so instead of ejaculating our your penis, you will 'ejaculate' up your spine, experiencing intense bodily bliss and emotional openness, far beyond the quick pleasure and depleted peace following an ejaculative orgasm.
Contract the floor of your pelvis and, in addition, practice pulling it upward into your body and toward your spine. this upward pull actually lift your scrotum slightly up toward your body.
As a single movement, practice contracting and pulling upwards the entire floor of your pelvis, including the anus, perineum, and genitals. You can practice this in sets of 15 to 20 contractions, holding them as long as you can. Do several sets like this, three or four times a day (careful).
Eventually, you will be able to contract and pull up your pelvic floor easily, holding it for as long as you want.
While you are having sex, but before you are close to ejaculating, practice contracting your pelvic floor as just discussed. while you contract it and pull upward, breathe the energy up your spine. Most people find exhaling up the spine works better. You will lose a little bit of your erection and the need to ejaculate, giving you more time to continue.
Even while practicing this technique, you may notice that you occasionally come very close to having an orgasm. At this point, stop moving, apply the upward contraction of your pelvic floor, and breathe the orgasm energy up your spine.
When you eventually orgasm, shoot it up into your brain, and even out through the top of your head, rather than down and out your genitals. A profusion of bliss will rain down.
Take into Account the Primary Asymmetry:
If you have masculine sexual essence, then your woman and children can be loving you all day and night, but if your career or mission is obstructed, you will not feel at ease. True. You won't even want to share much intimate time with your woman until you have your career or mission back on track.
Your core is released from stress by aligning your life with your mission.
FOR MOST MEN, THEIR WOMAN IS REPLACEABLE. HARSH, BUT TRUE.
Many times men fantasize about finding another woman even before they lose the one they have. He will gravitate to a woman whom he feels would most support his mission.
If he feels another woman would enliven him and give him more energy for his work, he might desire her as an intimate partner.
However, in your woman's eyes you are not replaceable. She does not consider other options typically. Your relationship with her is the main determinant of her mood.
Our culture has become so masculine, many women are trying to deny their feminine core desires and adopt the mans way of dedication to mission and career. By denying their feminine essence, such women are predisposing themselves to emptiness of heart, depression, and bodily symptoms of disease.
YOU MUST NOT DENY YOUR WOMAN'S FEMININE ESSENCE BY FEELING OR SAYING TO HER, "YOUR WHOLE LIFE SEEMS TO REVOLVE AROUND OUR RELATIONSHIP! THAT'S NOT HEALTHY. YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE, YOUR OWN DIRECTION, YOUR OWN CAREER AND MORE FRIENDS. STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS AND GET A LIFE!"
Some men feel guilty about not being as 'into' the relationship as their woman is. But this is natural! You will never be as concerned about your intimacy as your woman is. Don't fake it. Don't try to act concerned for the sake of your woman.
If one of your highest goals is psychological or spiritual freedom, then you will highly value your woman's feedback. Nobody will press your buttons or reflect your asshole to you better than your woman. She will point out your weaknesses better than a boot camp drill sergeant. She will reflect your ambiguity or clarity better than any workshop teacher. She will do you better than a whore and give you more loving than you can handle.
She will shower your life with radiant blessing, healing and enlivenment.
CAREFUL YOU DON'T END UP BEING CONTROLLED BY YOUR WOMAN. YOU MUST OWN YOUR TRUE MASCULINE DESIRES.
You Are Responsible for the Growth in Intimacy:
It is extremely difficult for most women to get out of their black mood once they are in it.
If you, as the masculine, have no higher vision than the day to day grind of housework, 9-to-5 job, childcare, TV, and a vacation twice a year, YOU ARE FAILING YOUR BIRTHRIGHT.
Your woman will feel cheated and ungifted by you, as will the world. And they will both give you less of their gifts in return.
Are you playing the game of 'sensitive man', giving her 'space' to be miserable rather than offering her your consistent and fearless gifting? And if she doesn't want your gift, your deepest wisdom and unsuppressed loving, then why would you want to be with her? Your main gift in intimacy is to guide her, moment by moment, out of her moods and into the openness of loving. I've tried all this, but the same cycle is on endless repeat.
To offer your masculine gift, you must cultivate your daily sense of practice. Like a musician practicing his art, you must practice, daily, the art of feeling through your fear, feeling to your edge, and then living just beyond your edge, neither slinking into private consolation nor pushing so hard you disconnect from your source.
Without a woman to serve your present embodiment of love, you might spend most of your time working on your projects, staring into a computer screen, churning thoughts in your head, or seeking future goals of financial and spiritual freedom. Meanwhile, you have lost touch with the present, with your body and your woman.
Insist on Practice and Growth:
"The divine way or the highway!" you could legitimately say to your woman.
A superior man wants his woman to move in the direction that most serves her growth in love and happiness. He will settle for nothing less.
A strange habit may develop wherein no matter how strong you are in the business world, you become pussywhipped in your relationship. Your woman gets sharp and masculine, you become falsely receptive and agreeable, and meanwhile both of you feel like vomiting.
You are entirely responsible for cutting through your own laziness, addictions and unclarity. There is nobody to blame. Use the techniques you have learnt. Talk to friends, use therapy, practice meditation, go on a quest, read, walk in nature, keep a blog, study with a teacher.
YOU COULD MEDITATE UNTIL YOU ARE BLUE IN THE FACE, BUT IT WON'T WORK, IF, WHEN IT COMES DOWN DO IT, YOU'D RATHER MASTURBATE, READ THE PAPER, OR WATCH TV THAN CUT THROUGH YOUR ADDICTIONS, DISCIPLINE YOUR DAILY LIFE, AND GIVE YOUR GIFT FROM YOUR DEEPEST, MOST BLISSFUL SOURCE.
Restore Your Purpose in Solitude and with Other Men:
If you spend too much time with your woman, you will rub off on each other in the worst way. You will find yourself pecking your woman on the cheek or giving her hugs and pats of lovey-dovey reassurance. You will both lose your sexual polarity. CRUCIAL.
A woman needs to be with other women to laugh, sing and dance and rejoice in each others' feminine radiance and flow. Otherwise she will lose her feminine energy and get sick, have a lack of enthusiasm for life, low sexual desire and enjoyment, and a blue, downhearted, despondent disposition.
For men, the two ways to bring you to your masculine edge of power are austerity and challenge.
Austerity means to eliminate the comforts and cushions of life that you have learned to snuggle into and lose wakefulness. Take away everything that dulls your edge. No newspapers or magazines. No TV. No Smartphone. No candy, cookies, cake. No sex. No cuddling. No reading of anything at all while you eat or sit on the toilet. Reduce working time to a necessary minimum. No movies. No conversation that isn't about truth, love or the divine. WOW.
Unadorned suffering is the bedmate of masculine growth. Only by staying intimate with your personal suffering can you feel through it to its source. By putting all your attention into work, TV, sex, and reading, your suffering remains unpenetrated, and the source remains hidden.
Almost everything you do, you do because you are afraid to die. And yet dying is exactly what you are doing, from the moment you are born of course. Two hours of watching a game of football on TV may distract you temporarily, but the fact remains. You were born as a sacrifice. And you can either participate in the sacrifice, dissolving the giving of your gift, or you can resist it, which is your suffering.
By eliminating the safety nets of comforts in your life, you have the opportunity to free fall in this moment between birth and death, right through the hole of your fear, unto the unthreatenable openness which is the source of your gifts. The superior man lives as this spontaneous source of love.
The other means of rediscovering your masculine core is through challenge. Superficially this could include activities like mountain climbing, competitive sports, swimming in the ocean and boot camp. These forms of tough physical challenge instantly enliven the masculine sense of purpose and direction in men.
Deeper forms of challenge involve directly giving your gift in ways that have been blocked by your fear. If you have always been afraid of public speaking, you can take on the challenge of speaking in public once a week for three months (!) If you fail and miss an appointment one week, the following week you must give three talks (!) If you have always wanted to write a novel, but could never finish one, you tell your friends that you are going to complete a chapter a week (or a month) for the next year.
Every time you don't complete your weekly goal, you owe your friends £100. If you don't complete your yearly goal, you owe them £10,000.
The point is, there must be a consequence of freezing in the face of fear.
The most potent forms of masculine realignment involve both austerity and challenge. Go in the middle of the woods, by yourself, with only survival necessities. Nothing to read, nothing to do. Fast from food and don't sleep for as long as possible. Challenge your attention with some practice, like chanting or ritual movement, so that your attention doesn't drift. Open yourself and wait. Do not cover your suffering. Do not quit before you fall through the hole of your fear and emerge with a vision of your true mission, the unique form of your living sacrifice. YOU MUST DO THIS.
Get a group of like-minded friends and do crazy stuff (but safe) together like swimming in the ocean in the winter, or climbing mountains, camping in forests, drinking until you are drunk on the mystery of existence. IMPORTANT.
Make sure that you arrange regular times for your woman's and your own rejuvenation.
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