Stoics and Stoicism

Stoics go out of their way to make themselves feel physically and emotionally uncomfortable on a daily basis, as part of their training. Expanding their comfort zone.

For example, big mountain climbing or running a marathon. Also, public speaking or other difficult social interactions.

Walking on a cold, wet and windy day is something Stoics might do. Or an overnight hike with unforeseen dangers, and sleep on the ground. A Stoic, however, will not take stupid health risks. There is a limit!

The goal is never to beat other people or impress them. It's only to strengthen and boost your own resolve, confidence and psychological immune system.

Other things to try:

Public speaking.

Difficult phone calls. Do one every day.

Confronting people who make you uncomfy.

Exposing yourself to something that has a high probability of failure.

Challenge : Pick one of your fears and pummel it into submission. You will be a better person for it.

In response to set backs the "5 second rule" says you must implement the Stoic test frame (imagine the Stoic gods gave you this exact test to see how you emotional skills and workaround skills are doing) within 5 seconds, otherwise you will experience negative emotions. And anger is the biggest danger.

Grade the tests yourself during your bedtime meditation.

Setbacks treated the right way can even be fun to figure out and will make you a better person.

Stoic response to being wronged

I see nothing in Stoicism that requires us to turn the other cheek when wronged. I think what's expected of us is to pursue justice dispassionately and fairly. Justice is a virtue, after all. Demonstrate virtue by taking action.

Don't take it personally, don't let your feelings get dragged in, don't be hostile or rash. But if there was an injustice, uncover it, and do what you can to set it right. Do not keep the guilty party's secrets for them. They are the ones to be ashamed, not you. They are the ones who should fear the light of truth being shined on this, not you.

Stoic response to being mistreated or abused

Its very simple. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness.

If you are insulted. Don't say anything. If the insultor thinks you didn't hear him and repeats the insult just say "I heard you the first time," and walk away.

Stoic take on being betrayed

Whenever you think someone has betrayed you, examine it to see if it is really true. See it from the other person’s perspective. In many cases, you will see that the person, for the most part, is not motivated to betray you but to do what is right for them or for everyone in general. When you see this, you will see that there is no betrayal. Even if there is, it may not have been as serious as you might have imagined at first. There might be many mitigating factors leading up to the other person’s actions.

Even when someone truly betrays us, it says nothing about us. It is not shameful for us and we don’t need to be disturbed. It is external to us like the ocean waves or the sunrise. No one can truly betray us any more than the sun, moon, wind, and the waves can. They do what they do, conforming to their nature. Nothing diminishes us, nothing can stop us from leading the life that is under our control. The only betrayal that should matter to us is the one that comes from us. Others’ betrayal is their business.

As long as we appoint someone else to be the source of our happiness, we will always be at their mercy. But yet we know that, eventually, our happiness can come only from us. It is natural to be upset if someone betrays us.

In the mind of a stoic, there is no expectation of the innate goodness or lack of it in others. Thus it is simply not possible to be angry or disappointed at the actions, doings or sayings of the people that we interact with removing them as a potential source of depression.

In summary, in response to betrayal, the Stoic is not surprised, because they understand the vicissitudes of life and know that betrayals are part of life. As Marcus Aurelius said : "To expect a bad person not to harm others is like expecting fig trees not to secrete juice, babies not to cry, horses not to neigh—the inevitable not to happen."

Stoics respond with grace—without anger, but with understanding.