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This is a great book for a new dad, or a man with a pregnant partner who is worried about what the future holds. It's packed with good tips and ideas for when you run out.
The author is an ex-Commando, so the book is written like a military handbook which is certainly an original idea! It feels as if it is written by a single Dad (which may not be the case) and I think that single Dads will get the most out of this book. It is essential in fact.
Here are my favourite bits :
SLEEP:
Do not attempt to introduce a sleep routine into your babies life until she is at least 2 months old. You can though teach your baby the difference between night and day :
Do:
(1) Make daytime more active.
(2) Make sure the house is bright during the day.
(3) Make night-time quieter and more subdued.
Don't:
(1) Tiptoe round your baby during daytime naps. They need to be exposed to the regular sounds of a house during the day : the phone, talking, TV, music, toilet etc.
(2) After the first 2 months wake them up if it's time for a feed.
(3) Use the main lights at night. Dim the lights or use lamps.
(4) Let your baby nap too late in the evening as this will affect the night's sleep.
Always keep a complete change of clothes in your kitbag wherever you go.
NUTRITION:
Good first foods to experiment with
Pureed Vegetables : carrot, squash, courgette, parsnips are sweet and easy to cook and puree. Progress to broccoli and cauliflower.
Pureed Fruit : Start bland with bananas, papaya, apples, pears and avocado. Use ripe fruit as it's easier to mash.
Good finger foods to experiment with
(1) Low sugar cereal pieces, cooked pasta, fingers of toast.
(2) Small sticks of cheese. Sultanas
(3) Apple and pear sticks, peach or banana. Broccoli or cauliflower florets, green beans, carrots or courgette sticks. Sliced cherry tomatoes, grapes and berries. Celery, cucumber.
Good ideas for dinner
(1) Bangers and mash.
(2) Pizza. Buy pizza bases and make your own pizzas.
(3) Chicken and home made chips.
(4) Stew with rice or potatoes.
(5) Any kind of pasta dish.
(6) Roast dinner.
(7) DESSERTS : Jelly with fruit pieces, bananas and custard, rice pudding, yoghurt.
Babies and Toddlers need to be exposed to new foods at least seven times before they make an opinion on whether they like it or not. So, do not give up on healthy, nutritious foods too quickly.
Fast, healthy snacks
(1) Oatcakes
(2) Small boxes of raisins
(3) Chopped fruit or vegetables.
(4) Rice Cakes
(5) Dried Fruit
(6) Nuts (unsalted)
(7) Hummus
(8) Small bottle of water or juice.
(9) Little box of his favourite cereal.
ESTABLISHING DAILY ROUTINES:
If your baby bites the boob it means she is full!
If TV is part of your routine, leave it switched off until after breakfast. It will take your babies attention away from eating. As with all meals, breakfast is an opportunity to be together.
A story can be a great way to settle your child to sleep but make sure it isn't too exciting (or don't make it sound too exciting). Speak slowly and calmly when reading bed-time stories.
MORALE:
Do not underestimate the positive effect of belonging to a support network of family, friends and like-minded individuals. Check https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/dadsnet.
Be aware that people who get annoyed when you don't take their advice aren't giving advice. They are giving orders! You do not need to obey them. BRILLIANT.
BASIC FIRST AID:
For kids under five, a temperature over 37.5C is considered high.
Cuts :
Wash the area with a wipe or water.
If the cut is bleeding, apply direct pressure. Use a clean gauze. Press the skin together as you gently push down on the cut. Check after a minute to see if the bleeding has stopped.
When the cut is no longer bleeding allow it to air-dry and apply antiseptic cream and a plaster.
If the bleeding doesn't stop seek medical help.
All animal bites and scratches carry a risk of infection and medical advice should be sought.
Stings :
If the sting is visible scrape it off with something blunt like a bank card. Don't use tweezers!
Apply a cold compress of 10 minutes.
If your baby has been stung in the mouth let them suck on an ice cube or drink cold water.
If your trooper gets into difficulties go to the hospital.
Nosebleed :
Sit your child down and tip their head forward. Ask them to breathe through their mouth.
Gently nip the nose between your thumb and index finger and hold for 10 minutes.
Ear Infections :
Symptoms
High temperature, diarrhoea, ear tenderness, pulling on ear, discharge from ear.
Treatment
Doctor. Don't use cotton buds! Clean any discharge with cotton balls. Clean hands.
Eye Infections :
Symptoms
Watery eyes, redness, discharge from eye, crusty eyes on waking.
Treatment
Doctor. Don't use eye drops without prescription!
Diarrhoea :
Symptoms
Loose, frequent poops. Mucus or blood in the poop.
Treatment
Quick nappy changes, keeping the area clean. If you see mucus or blood, call your doctor.
Bacterial Meningitis :
Symptoms
Fever, child is floppy and unresponsive, irritable, vomiting, loss of appetite, pale blotchy skin, a staring expression, very sleepy, front of head swells (in babies.)
Treatment
Hospital or Doctor immediately
Viral Meningitis :
Symptoms
Mild flu, neck stiffness, muscle or joint pain, nausea and vomiting, diarrhoea, light sensitivity. All these symptoms come on rapidly.
Treatment
Hospital or Doctor immediately
Pneumonia :
Symptoms
Coughing, Fever, Rapid Breathing (30 or 40 a minute). Skin seems to sink between ribs during breathing.
Treatment
Hospital or Doctor immediately
TOILET TRAINING :
Toilet-training is when your toddler learns to master their bodily functions and can 'hold on' until they get to a toilet. It happens around 18 months.
Signs
(1) Your baby will be aware of when they are filling their nappy.
(2) Your baby tells you when they have filled their nappy.
(3) Their nappies become increasingly dry during the day.
How to do it
(1) Create a routine that involves wiping themselves, flushing, putting the lid down, washing hands and drying hands.
(2) Praise them for everything, even just trying.
(3) Dress your toddler in loose-fitting clothes that she can get out of herself.
(4) Let her see you using the toilet.
(5) Don't constantly ask them if they 'need to go' as it will make an issue out of it. But do ask them when you are using the toilet and at times when you expect them to need to go.
(6) Don't worry about any accidents.
(7) Continue to use nappies in the night. They will have to be worn until your toddler can go a week with a dry nappy overnight. Some kids wear nappies in bed until they 7 years old.
Whether to use a potty is a personal preference, but I went straight to a toilet-training seat with my kids. I simply could not think of another place at home I would rather have them poop than in the toilet. If you get the seat, then get a toilet step too.
TRAVELING :
Buggy boards are great when your toddler can't walk anymore and there's a baby in a stroller. A buggy board is a wide step that attaches to the back of the stroller.
It is not mandatory to carry a first aid kit in your car, but I highly recommend it. It is possible to buy one or make your own. It should contain :
(1) Torch
(2) Foil Blanket
(3) Cold Pack
(4) Plasters
(5) Bandages
(6) Tape
(7) Dressings
(8) Antiseptic Cream
(9) Painkillers
ENTERTAINING YOUR TROOPS:
The Golden Rules:
(1) The best activity for your kids is YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION. Any game played with you will be a hit. Guaranteed. PUT ASIDE TIME EACH DAY FOR THIS.
(2) Toddlers love to sing and be sung to. Chat, tickle, giggle and laugh.
(3) Classic Games : Hide and Seek, I Spy, This Little Piggy, Round and Round the Garden. Check the Resources section on the website www.commandodad.com for more ideas.
(4) Spotting games. Spot the cow, Spot the tree, spot the birds, yellow cars, etc.
(5) Don't rely on technology to keep them amused. They have amazing imaginations. Help them to use them through imaginative play.
Fun Activities at Home:
(1) Go play in the garden, if you have one.
(2) Get noisy : Sing songs or do impressions of animal noises.
(3) Play with a ball. Throwing and catching (even if they can't do it).
(4) Puzzles.
(5) Grow plants on the windowsill. Cress and Sunflowers are a good example.
(6) Cooking simple and safe dishes.
(7) Games like "Building a Den" or "Teddy Bears Picnic".
(8) Write and decorate cards to send to friends and relatives.
(9) Watch age appropriate movies.
Don't waste space by buying lots of toys. They only need a handful of favourites.
Play spotting games when traveling in the car. Play one called 'Mini Cheddar' . Your toddler gets 5 points for a yellow car, 10 points for a Mini and 25 points for a yellow mini (A Mini Cheddar). The first to 100 wins. Only confirmed sightings allowed!
Flying:
Once through security and at the gate, keep your kids close and occupied with a NEW comic or book. Do not bring old favourites as they are irreplaceable. Do not be tempted to pack your toddlers favourite cuddly toy or blanky as they are too important to lose.
Out and About :
Go to libraries, museums, zoos, castles, woods, petting farms.
In the woods or on a hike, take a small bag and pick up leaves, sticks, seeds, acorns, flowers, etc from the ground that you can make a picture with when you get home.
Play follow my leader, weaving in and out of trees and bushes.
Playgroups:
These are an excellent way to entertain the troops (from about 2 years of age). They give your kids a safe area to play, a different environment to explore, and new friends to meet. It will also give you the opportunity to meet other parents and carers, which will have a positive effect on self-esteem and morale.
DEALING WITH CONFLICT:
It is a myth that toddlers don't like or need boundaries. They need them because boundaries give them security and something to push against. Without boundaries, they will ultimately feel insecure.
When you set rules, maintain eye contact to engage your kids and don't use too many words.
Until the age of three they have limited vocabulary, and cannot think logically.
When disciplining your kids use a firm, calm voice. Use the word 'no' only when you really mean it.
Don't use it as a chance to vent anger or frustration.
Don't pay attention to your toddler only when he displays bad behaviour!
NEVER SMACK YOUR KIDS
Hitting shows a distinct lack of self-discipline on your part. It is not appropriate behaviour. If you 'solve' problems by hitting your toddler, you teach them that conflicts can be resolved with violence. This also robs them of the ability to develop vital life skills, such as reasoning, compromise and adaptability.
The first weapon in your discipline armoury is 'The Look' - a stern, disapproving frown that kids of any age will understand.
If your kid is doing something that is harmful to themselves or others, immediately remove them from the situation. If they can't see you shout 'STOP' or 'HEY' loudly.
'Time Out' works well from three years of age. Put the child on the naughty spot for a number of minutes that equals their age. If they leave the spot, start the time out again.
COMMANDO DAD TOP TIP:
Never criticise your toddler, only their actions. Instead of 'You are Selfish', say 'That was selfish behaviour'. Instead of ' You are Bad' say, 'That was bad behaviour.'
Your kids look to you for guidance on who they are. Use that power wisely.
Tantrums:
They are inevitable. They are your toddlers way of dealing with anger and frustration : big emotions that they are learning to get to grips with. The triggers for tantrums tend to fall into three categories.
(1) Asking them to do something they don't want to do.
(2) Stopping them from doing something they do want to do.
(3) Saying 'no' to something they want.
Learn to recognise when your baby is about to blow his top and take evasive action.
Don't let your kids get too hungry, tired or bored.
Keep calm and in control.
Don't plead with them for cooperation. They need to know that YOU are in control.
Don't give in to demands to stop a tantrum. This will only teach your kids to throw tantrums to get whatever they want. And they will! It's better not to talk at all in fact, and just let the tantrum run its course.
Sometimes I have found it effective to say "Shall we start again?" and actually pretend to rewind the situation, complete with comedy sounds effects.
When it's all over, speak to your children, ensuring they understand that tantrum behaviour is not acceptable at home or in public.
If you are in public ignore the eye-rolling and tutting from strangers. Do not let other people's unreasonable behaviour stress you out. Do not lose control. Most people will sympathise.
DON'T SHOUT AT YOUR KIDS TO KEEP STRANGERS HAPPY.
If your kids see you are more concerned about what strangers think, they will 'learn' that they are not as important to you as random, unreasonable members of the public.
Other conflicts between you and the kids:
Ask them what the problem is. Do not expect a rational answer as they may be too young.
Just listen to their answer and do not criticize their reasoning.
Avoid escalation into angry confrontation.
Accept responsibility when you are partly to blame.
For example if your toddler breaks something, your reaction should be exactly the same as if a guest in your house had done the same thing!
However, if they break something in a shop or in someone else's house then :
(1) Immediately take responsibility and clean up the mess.
(2) Offer to pay or replace.
(3) Find an appropriate adult that your child could apologise to.
(4) Do not embarrass your kids by reprimanding them in public for minor offences.
SUMMARY :
A COMMANDO DAD IS A HANDS ON DAD
A COMMANDO DAD KNOWS THAT PREPARATION PREVENTS POOR PARENTING
A COMMANDO DAD TAKES HIS RESPONSIBILITIES SERIOUSLY
A COMMANDO DAD ALWAYS HAS A BAG READY
A COMMANDO DAD WILL IMPROVISE, ADAPT, AND OVERCOME
A COMMANDO DAD LEADS BY EXAMPLE
A COMMANDO DAD ALWAYS ACTS IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF HIS KIDS
A COMMANDO DAD CREATES GOOD ROUTINES FOR HIS KIDS A COMMANDO DAD REGULARLY EVALUATES HIS OWN PERFORMANCE
A COMMANDO DAD ACTS IN A CARING WAY
A COMMANDO DAD PUTS THE SAFETY OF HIS KIDS FIRST
A COMMANDO DAD KNOWS HIS UNDIVIDED ATTENTION IS THE BEST GIFT
A COMMANDO DAD LEADS AND HIS TROOPERS FOLLOW
A COMMANDO DAD KNOWS CONSISTENCY IS KEY
A COMMANDO DAD IS RESPECTED - NOT FEARED - BY HIS CHILDREN
A COMMANDO DAD MAKES CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, AND DOESN'T BLAME
A COMMANDO DAD SAYS SORRY IF IT'S HIS FAULT
A COMMANDO DAD PERFORMS INDEPENDENTLY OF THE OPINION OF OTHERS
A COMMANDO DAD KEEPS CALM UNDER PRESSURE.
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